10. O Holiday Tree 9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter 8. Frosty the Snowperson 7. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (for Which I Do Have a Permit) 6. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 5. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator 4. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Unendangered Foliage (If Office Policy Permits) 3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings 2. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection 1. Ill Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December Hope your holiday rocks.
Good, bad, or somewhere in-between? Where do you land on Santas Naughty or Nice List? To find out, just answer a few questions the elves have for you!
For Christmas this year, we give you the top-five pick-up lines at the North Pole . . .
No. 5: My name is Binkie the Elf---you'll want to remember that 'cause you'll be screaming it later tonight.
No. 4: Somewhere there's a Christmas tree missin' an angel, 'cause I'm lookin' at one right now!
No. 3: If I told you you had a nice body, would you pick me up and hold it against me?
No. 2: Did you come here straight from Santa's workshop 'cause you're a real doll!
No. 1: Elves might be short, but we're NOT "small."
Wishing you a great Christmas---and that's no line!
Hark! How the chins, Upside-down chins, Smooth or with beard, All will be heard! Christmas is here. Bringing good cheer. Lips, teeth, and tongue, Songs will be sung. Round and oblong, Singing their song, Whiskers or not, Chins sing a lot. One seems to hear, Words of good cheer, From every chin, Singing again. Oh! how they sing. Voices do ring. O'er nose and face, Going every place. Gaily mouths chew, While chins renew. Goodwill and cheer, Christmas is here. Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas. Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas. Oh, how the chins, Sing with their grins, Their melody, So chinfully Merry Christmas!
Santa's been dieting and exercising all year... BUT NOBODY WANTS A SKINNY SANTA! Help him get ready for the big day! He needs to eat candy canes, Christmas cookies and fruitcake. The more fattening, the better. Move him with your mouse and keep him away from the healthy stuff! GOOD JOB! The bowl full of jelly is back in action! Have a Jolly Christmas!
Santa's Workshop: Sexual Harassment Seminar.
Leroy: Attention fellow elves. Attention. Miss Feinberg is here from the Human Resources Department to lead our sexual harassment seminar.
Move it or lose it, fly boy!
Yeah, shove it up your chimney, ya freak!
You gettin' your frequent flyer miles at the airport lounge?
Hey, nice suit---your momma dress you like that?
I got your package right here!
Looks like you're over your weight limit there, jolly boy.
Have a relaxing holiday season.