They're hicky and they're hokey, They like to drink and smoky, They're down and dirty folky, The Redneck Family. Their house is set on wheels, They guzzle all their meals Their pet don't bark, it squeals, The Redneck Family. Rude! Crude! Lewd! When you ain't feeling hot Be glad for what you got, At list your kin is not The Redneck Family
I don't have gossip about our friends. I'm not gonna tell you how a movie ends. I've no suggestions to submit, or cosmic wavelengths to transmit. I don't have any breaking news to share, and I won't yell that life's not fair. There's no big sale (unfortunately). I'm not collecting for charity. This isn't some bad talent show... It's just a song to say, Hello!
If I could, Id find a fairy godmother with a magical wand and combat boots so that she could grant your wishes and kick the crap out of anything that tried to get in the way of your happiness. But in the meantime, I got your back.
No matter how crazy my life gets I know you'll be there and when it's your turn to lose it you can count on me. We're so screwed if it happens at the same time.
The threat is real. In homes across the world At any moment Without warning Renegade hormones can ATTACK! That's why the Homelife Security PMS Advisory System was developed. The Homelife Security PMS Advisory System is designed to help often-complacent males recognize the PMS warning signs and become better prepared in the event of an attack. SEVERE - Secure objects that may be thrown. - Hide all sharp implements. - Hide yourself. - Close windows (so that neighbors can't hear ranting, raving, and crying) - Be prepared to flee at a moment's notice. HIGH - Expect wild mood swings. - Bloating may cause attacks on closets, drawers, and significant others. - Keeping your mouth shut is a solid contingency plan. - Stock large quantities of chocolate. ELEVATED - You may think it's only "that time," but PMS attacks can occur spontaneously. - Avoid flip comments and lame attempts at humor. - Approach with caution. - Be prepared for general weepiness. - Memorize escape routes. GUARDED - Hormones happen. - You can relax somewhat, but it's wise to be on guard! - Review emergency procedures. - Practice protective responses such us ducking and groveling. LOW - The evil twin has disappeared.(That was sooo last week) - Things are calm and normal behavior patterns reestablished. - Apologies are accepted and all is well - for now! Just remember - hormones are out there, AND THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! No cause for alarm - Just saying "Hi."
Do your boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier, do your boobs hang low. That song is not so funny anymore!
JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT YOU'RE SO THOUGHTFUL AND, JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT YOU'RE SO KIND WELL, JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND AND GOOD FRIENDS ARE SO VERY HARD TO FIND YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH CAUSE YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND YOU ARE USED TO ALL MY SILLY FLAWS I'M TELLING YOU I'M SO GLAD THAT WE ARE FRIENDS BECAUSE, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, JUST BECAUSE You're a wonderful friend!
So, then he said, bring me a beer,
and I was like, get yourself your own beer.
I mean, who does he think I am? Did he not realize I had just gotten a manicure? I wasn't gonna go and ruin my nails opening his beer! Ya know, for a parrot, you sure don't talk much.
I would if you ever shut up!
Thanks for always listening.